No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
