Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
