He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
