Don't you send me to vm
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
