i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
