u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
