ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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