I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Two words: nipple clamps
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