Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
