Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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