I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
