I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
