Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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