you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
