i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
