i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
