I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
