I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
