you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
