Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
