There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
