I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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