somebody snuck up and got me drunk
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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