How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
