Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
