Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
