i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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