My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
