His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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