youre lurking in front of me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
