No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
