My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
