Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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