the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
