I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
