took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
