Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
