gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
