it was like his penis was on wheels.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
