thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
