I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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