How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
