Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
