theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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