Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
