If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
