all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
