i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
