this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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