you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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