so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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