she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
