clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
