Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
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