So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she woke up with a sticky ear
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
